Why I do what I do when lining up at the supermarket

THE PEBBLE :

Scene - Somewhere in a supermarket in NJ : Lining up 15 min in front of a coupon-cutting save-a-penny-a-day cucu is not my life's high moment. Ever. That slab of meat is never worth the $8.99 they want for it anyways. But however and whatsoever, the lust for burnt cow parts can only be fulfilled by this trip to the supermarket. Register: "Kachink", Underpaid clerk: "have a nice day." What a bunch of crock, most of the time they're just happy you didn’t bother them with your penny pinching ways.

As the last of this chomz is consumed, a discussion comes to life involving overpriced beef; useless waits lining up to pay, the un-freshness of this overpriced meat stock. It takes the mind of a genius to determine that the next cause of action is to get the meat from the source. Where JERSEY? The source? Now. bear in mind most people in NJ only know how to get to work, the liqor store or church, Newark Airport and back home. The idea of cows grazing in NJ is as far fetched as zero-calorie Ugali. Apparently not.

One bright day 4 guys and 2 chics jumped into a midsize Japanese saloon/sedan and proceeded to drive an hour south to buy a COW. Yes, after buying sardines for years, it was unanimously decided that a cow can be stuffed into the trunk/boot if chopped up properly. A cow, it turns out is not an oversized goat. I remember this slaughter guy looking at us like we were punking him; together with the roughly 1000 lbs weighed by the guys alone the 700lbs weighed by the cow would void the car's warranty instantaneously. So with all the mental horsepower we could summon, two goats seemed like the kind of idea that would earn some award, at least in someone's backyard. So at a cost of $140, the 70lb goat is a steal, I mean we felt like daylight robbers fleecing the likes of Halal who charged $4 for a pound for this rarity. With two goats, an undisclosed number of chicken, 1000 lb of guy, 2 chics and several huge grins, the Japanese car proceeded to rip up the tarmac like it was carrying feathers. What an achievement this was. Ngatho, to borrow from the past, all this for so little; goodbye Mr Meatsection guy, Kwaheri Mr Deli man, Adieu Mr Sausageman, Later-dude Mr Meatcity man, papa got a brand new bag and we shan’t be shopping with you. Or so I thought - we had found our meat-buyers niche and the conglomerate, behemoth supermarket types were never to pluck our pockets for meat products.

Fast forward kidogo. Out goes those smelly stomach innards, the kichwa, the hooves, the tail, the twin-genital containers, I felt like we were tossing all our winnings away. Oh those horns, couldn’t we at least make glue - what a waste ... when all was said we had tossed half the goat away and eaten parts of goat we cannot talk of in public. After all the tossings the Net weight was about 35lbs at that same $140 we paid. Break out Mr Texas Instruments and do the math. Salaaaaala we could have broken even going to Halal.

THE RIPPLE :

Those magazines in the check out line are to keep you busy for those 15 mins that the cucu will be dropping coupon books and arguing that the prune juice is on sale for $1.48 not $1.49